Joy

What do my scars say?

Scar 1

Heartbreak.  Disconnect.  Confusion.  Anger.  Pain.

Bumpy.  Red.  Sore.  Knotted.  Angry.

Out of place.

Unsupported.

Groggy.

Distanced from my baby.  Ignored.  Left out.

VBAC

Determined.  Focused.  Natural.  My terms.  Unafraid.

Intense.  Overwhelming.  An experience.

Attempted.

I carried to the operating room the benefits of the labor experience.

I carried to the operating room the peace that I had tried and that this time it was MY decision.

Old scar cut away from me, in so many ways.

Scar 2

Less bumpy.  Less raw.  Calmer.  Less Angry.

Disappointed.

More connected.

Joyful.

Supported.  United with my child.  Skin to skin, nursing.

My child never leaving my side.

Respected.

The difference?  Education.  Preparation.  Prayer.  Support.  Advocacy.  Bravery.